Breakfast conversation with an acquaintance:
He got himself a Thermo-Mix three months ago, and it’s still sitting packed away in the corner. What’s the reason? Because of his current lifestyle: he has long been used to not cooking at home, but following the flow in his circle of acquaintances (which is large):
If someone suggests meeting for dinner, he’s always happy to go. Besides, he’s not a guy who needs hot food once a day. If nothing comes up in terms of „going out to eat“, he can live with a „cold meal“ – „fat bread“, that is.
Now this isn’t going to be a sales pitch for Thermo-Mix. We simply came to talk about this topic – how powerful routines are.
There is probably little that comes with so many pros and cons that can be wonderfully argued about.
On the one hand, people who are stuck in routines have a hard time with change. This means that in the second half of life, at the latest, you really start to skid, because the world continues to change at a pretty fast pace. So if you can’t just retreat somewhere „in the middle of nowhere“, where rabbit and hedgehog say „good night“ to each other, it will be quite difficult to continue beloved routines exactly like that forever, without being overwhelmed by the world at some point.
I remember colleagues who made the switch to the PC as a work tool at the beginning of my professional career: banging the mouse on the table in frustration because what they wanted wasn’t happening on the screen. That’s when it was burned into my mind that I would never want to be like that.
What can I say? I’ve definitely met my personal challenges with not growing up as a digital native over the past few years. Zoom, Teams, Canva, Mailchimp, Slack, Miro, Mentimeter and the like all came into my life pretty much at the same time. I felt quite overwhelmed with them at times. Now I like to use them all and when Webex surprisingly comes around the corner, we also get it „managed“ in the appointment.
But I was allowed to get very used to how I develop a new learning ability since I no longer just know everything directly as a matter of course because I grew up with it.
(I can say, however, that I never freaked out to the point of beating up technical gadgets on tables – I swear!)
So keep developing those learning skills. Lifelong learning #yawn #tellmesomethingnew.
However, if you look closer, our „way of learning“ is itself one of our routines. Some are „learning by doing“, others read a lot of details first, still others ask others for help and let them show them things. And there you can see a little bit, the thing with routines has two powerful sides:
Because on the other hand, we need people – ALL of us! Some of us more, some less, but the human brain works according to order patterns. The only brain without order patterns, is a psychotic brain.
So, each of us needs a minimum of structure, so that we can „explain“ the world to ourselves. Thereby, the brain falls back on learned patterns and tries to recognize order patterns even in the chaotic or unknown. So – more excursion in this direction there is at another time.
What I’m getting at is that our routines are patterns of order.
Such order patterns are ultimately (VERY, VERY simplified explained) thanks to its neuroplasticity also physiologically pronounced as „thought and action paths“ in our brain. The thinking and acting, which we use in connection with routines, is in a certain way correctly pronounced in our brain mass genuinely (again: very, very simplified!).
So changing routines is not purely a matter of willpower, but of consciously relearning or relearning other routines.
At the same time, our brain needs a certain orientation framework for changes.
This combination then becomes particularly noticeable when changing existing routines.
The routines of my acquaintance are pronounced in his brain. For other routines, there are still no corresponding „thought and action paths“ (creature of habit and so …). Of course, we can act differently than we are used to, but these are not the „action paths“ that our brain uses for standard procedures, but first brain activities for exceptions.
So, if he wants to firmly integrate Thermo-Mix use into his daily routine, he may consciously think about how his current routine in terms of eating looks like and how he wants to change it, so that he actually cooks at home (please, no discussion now whether Thermo-Mix use is also cooking – this is the wrong category here).
And then, it’s about creating fixed points to practice this new routine – piece by piece.
Because we like to believe that we can do it with willpower.
In any case, this is also part of the game – only the willpower alone will not overwrite your routine paths in the brain. This actually requires some kind of solid „routine training“.
Can you see how this can be applied to situations in your life?
The gym subscription, which may not be used as actively after one/two months, because the routine paths in your brain can be used more attractively for your body in terms of energy expenditure than developing a new routine. Developing this new path in the brain costs us energy expenditure (quite tangible Kcal).
The desire to incorporate small moments of relaxation into everyday office life.
Recently, an audience member in my presentation on „Relaxation in the Home Office“ for the city of Mannheim described her experience: she had had good workshops on the topic of mindfulness – attended a two-week seminar and learned a lot. But when she returned to her daily office routine, everything new „fell by the wayside“ again.
In addition to the tools and the inner „will“, you also need to consciously support the „can“ in your brain for the further development of your routines.
What does that mean now?
- Become aware of what your current routine pattern that you want to change looks like specifically: what about it, if anything, will make it difficult for you to develop the new routine you want to have?
- How dou you want it to be:
Get clarity on how you want it to look differently. - Small steps – big progress:
In a podcast, Andrea Petkovic (former top tennis player) was asked how she improved her game. Her answer: „Incorporating small changes in training, then practicing, practicing, practicing, and then later applying them in the match.“ It was never a matter of making big adjustments in a short period of time.
Going from 0 to 100 at the gym or a completely new cooking and shopping routine takes strength and energy that can almost never be sustained. And it doesn’t make for new routines any faster, as much as we’d like it to. So: What first small concrete steps can you think of to evolve your routine in the new direction?
What details of your current routine will you change first, and how, so that you turn off the show-stoppers for your change from the old routine?
In the case of my acquaintance, this could be, for example, that he firmly resolves one/two fixed days a week to cook at home with the Thermo-Mix and sets appointment blockers in the calendar for this – including shopping in advance.(Although I still don’t understand 100% why my acquaintance wants to swap going out to eat with friends for the Thermo-Mix evenings at home, but that’s another question…). - If possible, find anchor routines:
Changing routines is easiest when you can attach the new thing to something existing.
Suggestion for the audience in Mannheim was: choose an exercise and attach it to a recurring rules meeting. Block it in the calendar and go from the meeting directly to the exercise. - And now: Tool time!
Admittedly, buying the tools or signing up for the subscription feels mighty good. However, without concrete ideas on how to develop your routines, in most cases you’ll have a new device at home or a new membership on your bank statement after a few weeks without making any permanent changes. - And then you start – with small steps, instead of the full program. You’ll be more successful if you change habits slowly and steadily (especially if you do it alone – it can be different if you’re accompanied by someone or have accountability partners). It’s one cooking night a week for now, maybe two. It’s a new relaxation exercise at work.
And yes – it’s super likely that you won’t implement perfectly right away, but have lapses at times. For such things I used to be able to criticize myself in the best way, to pack everything into the corner disappointed and offended by myself and that was it with the further development. If I don’t manage to do that „sensibly“ right away, then I’m probably in the wrong place.
Do you know? It took me a while to realize that I was only preventing myself from continuing. In the meantime I can see it differently.
Try.Fail. Try again. Fail better.
I don’t hang the „dropouts“ so high anymore. Everything is allowed as long as I get back to practicing in a timely manner. Works quite well for me.
With such lapses, the energy you save by not immediately trying to do „everything differently from now on“ also helps: If you start smaller, you have more power and less effort for the necessary focus to stay disciplined. If you still don’t make it, you have more strength and energy to get back into your „routine training“ and, because the steps you start with are not too big, you also need less strength to get back into it.
Sometimes developing „good routines“ in itself is also a cool workout for focus, discipline, and satisfaction with yourself. This can also be something very small.
Making the bed every day has also been part of one or two coaching sessions with me. It took between six weeks and three months until it became the new normal for the clients. Everyone is different and needs a different amount of time to establish new routines. In the process, they have shown themselves to be in three different phases:
- I do it for Jana – because she forces me to send her this photo of the made bed.
- I do it for me – because I notice that I am more satisfied with myself afterwards.
- Why do I do it? I don’t even understand the question anymore.
On the one hand, routines can be real killers of change. On the other hand, they also provide support and are powerful allies to help us develop out of existing routines.
A small addition: when it comes to hidden aspects of addiction (e.g. grief eating, alcohol routines, sugar consumption, social media) it takes more than changing routines and the necessary „tangible“ tools. That’s where you can’t ignore physical dependency and psychological trauma responses combined with classical conditioning. But consciously changing routines is also part of the solution here. I just don’t want anyone to get the wrong magic from it.
I hope you were able to find some thoughts here that will help you develop routines in your life that you would like to change. As is often the case, this works from the inside out:
MINDSET BEFORE METHOD.